


lend me your eyes (i can change what you see)

by mywonderwall



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Body Worship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 07:22:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2459825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywonderwall/pseuds/mywonderwall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re thinking too hard,” Calum murmurs, even though Luke hasn’t said anything. He pulls his lips off to bite at Luke’s lower jaw, just how he likes it. “You’ve got to relax.” He places a warm, solid hand on Luke’s chest, and Luke can feel his own heartbeat bounce up into Calum’s hand, then back down into his ribcage. <i>Thump, thump, thump.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	lend me your eyes (i can change what you see)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fannyann](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannyann/gifts).



> Special thanks to Tara for being my cheerleader and beta for this fic, as well as Mary and Afton for proofreading and giving me amazing feedback.
> 
> This started out as a body worship prompt and kind of developed into more feeling than porn, so for that I apologize.
> 
> For Stephanie, my most favorite 5SOS fan and friend. Title from "Awake My Soul" by Mumford and Sons.
> 
> Note: Ashton's drum did break during the Take Me Home tour show in Minneapolis, but nothing else happened (in fact, the boys were spot on and wonderful). I have high hopes for the St. Paul show this coming summer.

Of all the shows in North America, Luke is most excited for Minneapolis. It doesn’t have anything to do with the location, per se, but more so the fact that he feels like he has so much to make up for. The last time they had played in Minneapolis, he was convinced it was the worst show of his life. Everything had been off; he had forgotten the lyrics to 'Heartbreak Girl,' Ashton’s drum had broken during 'Teenage Dream,' and Michael had had to run offstage to be sick right before 'Try Hard.' Even now, just over two years after the matter, he still feels bad. Minneapolis has energetic, passionate fans (just like everywhere else), and he knows that they deserve an energetic, passionate show (just like everywhere else), especially because of the flop that was the Take Me Home tour show.

The tour bus from Winnipeg is buzzing, having just come off of a particularly solid show two nights before. They are somewhere in North Dakota: Luke thinks he saw a sign for Fargo somewhere amidst the flat, desolate landscape, when he is reminded that the next show is, in fact, in Minneapolis.

“Actually, it’s in St. Paul,” Ashton tells him, looking at the map. “But I think they are pretty close together, St. Paul and Minneapolis are. Kind of a weird thing, having two cities that close.” Luke knows he is thinking of back home, where the major cities are spread kilometers and kilometers apart, taking days to reach each one by bus. But here, there are so many places to stop, each state feeling a bit like its own country. Vancouver had been particularly exciting. Luke feels like maybe he could live there someday.

“Remember how hard you struggled to say ‘Minneapolis?’” Michael laughs from behind Luke. Luke knows he is talking to Ashton, but he can’t help the blush that creeps into his cheeks at the memory. Another reason why that show had been so terrible. “We were backstage and you kept saying ‘Minnpolyis.’”

“Hey now, cut me some slack. It’s not like anyone here can properly say ‘Melbourne’ or ‘Brisbane.’” Ashton throws a bit of the popcorn he is eating at Michael, landing squarely in his freshly bleached hair. “It’s a dialect issue.”

“Right, and not you just being a knob.”

Luke isn’t listening anymore, for Calum has just joined them from the bathroom. He sits down next to him, placing an arm around his shoulders and drawing him in for a hug. “Hanging in there?” he asks Luke, his voice just barely loud enough to be heard. Luke shrugs. He hasn’t told anyone how nervous he is for tonight, knowing that they probably don’t have the same sentiment that he does for the show. They don’t have that extreme drive to please every person they meet like Luke does. It is his greatest asset, but also his greatest downfall, especially in situations like these.

“Just tired,” he tells Calum, leaning into his chest and closing his eyes. “This country is exhausting."

“We’ll be there soon. Need a coffee?”

“I think Ashton drank the rest of it.” Luke sighs, feeling comfortable against Calum’s body. He is glad that the few times they have hooked up in the past -- usually drunk and usually quick -- haven’t changed anything between them. He isn’t sure his already anxious mind could handle any sort of tension with Calum, or Ashton or Michael, for that matter. Sometimes the only thing that keeps him going is knowing that his band is made up of his best friends, and their cohesion keeps them strong.

“I’ll be right back,” Calum says, gently pushing Luke off of him and heading into the little bus kitchen. Luke can hear him rummaging around in there, perhaps looking for something.

“Cal, bring me a Mountain Dew, would ya?” Michael calls out, his voice carrying over Luke’s head and back to where Calum is.

“Get one yourself,” Calum shoots back as he reappears, carrying two Red Bulls. He hands one to Luke before sitting back down next to him and opening his arms up again. Luke snuggles into him once more, opening his Red Bull with a satisfying _tsss._

“Asshole,” Michael hisses, his eyes giving away his fondness. “Of course you’d get a drink for Luke but not the rest of us.”

“I pick favorites,” Calum says with a shrug. “Maybe you’ll be my favorite tomorrow.”

With a grumble, Michael stands and makes his way to the kitchen, smacking Calum on the head as he passes. “That’s for being a dick!”

“Thanks,” Luke mutters, taking a long sip of the energy drink. He cringes a bit at the taste, as he usually does, but continues to drink it, hoping the caffeine will kick in soon.

“Always have your back, Lukey,” Calum tells him, pinching one of his nipples. Luke yelps and nearly spills his drink. “Tonight is gonna be great, I can just feel it.”

“Do you think we can play ‘Pizza’ tonight?” Ashton asks, looking back at Calum and Luke. “I’m in the mood to be ridiculous.”

“You’re always ridiculous,” Calum reminds him. “But I dunno, you’ll have to ask-”

Calum’s words are cut off by a shout in the kitchen, followed by the toppling of dishes. Luke sees an apple roll into the sitting room, landing right near his feet.

“Honestly, Michael, getting a Mountain Dew should _not_ cause the same damage as an earthquake!” Ashton yells in exasperation, pulling himself up from the floor and hurrying into the kitchen. Luke buries his face into Calum’s shoulder, attempting to stifle his laughter.

“Tonight is gonna rock,” Calum says again, this time between chuckles. He looks at Luke, brown eyes meeting blue, and smiles broadly. Luke can’t help the swooping sensation that fills his stomach and creeps all the way to his heart. “Just you wait.”

***  
Tonight, in fact, does not rock, as Luke comes to find out a few hours later. Things had gotten off to a fine start; the crowd was amped, they were spot on with their harmonies, and Ashton had even gotten to abandon his drums in favor of the mike to belt out ‘Pizza,’ as he had wanted to. But as they had started the encore, everything had gone wrong. Luke had opened his mouth to sing his solo in ‘Good Girls,’ but instead of the melody he had worked so hard on coming out, absolutely nothing would. As he tried harder, the only sound that he could make was a sort of raspy choking sound, his throat feeling like it was on fire. Why he had gone from his predictable, solid sounding voice to something that resembled a dying giraffe, he would never know. He had coughed a few times, downed nearly an entire bottle of water, and tried to clear his throat, but every time he tried to sing during ‘Good Girls,’ all he did was throw the rest of his band off with his off-key rumbling. Ashton had taken his solos for ‘Long Way Home’ and ‘She Looks So Perfect’ while Luke had played guitar and tried to harmonize the best he could with his shot voice, feeling more humiliated than he had ever felt before. He couldn’t bear to look out into the audience for too long, afraid he would start to tear up if he saw their faces. He especially couldn’t look over at Calum, not after catching his concerned face looking at him during ‘Long Way Home,’ obviously trying to gauge what was going on. He had just shaken his head and looked down at his guitar, willing the concert to end as quickly as it possibly could.

As soon as they get off stage after the final chords of ‘She Looks So Perfect,’ Luke drops his guitar and hurries away from everyone, past his crew members and guards, and back onto the bus, his entire body shaking profusely. He has beaten the rush of fans who want to see him, for the vast majority of them are still in the venue. He sits in absolute silence, only listening to the beating of his own heart and the rush of blood in his head.

He feels sick, he feels _so unbelievably sick_ , he can barely even breathe. His bandmates probably hate him, they are probably furious at him for ruining the show. He can’t even imagine what the fans think. For a moment, he considers pulling up Twitter, just so he can justify the hatred for himself that is pumping through his veins, but thinks better of it. He tosses his phone onto the couch and shuts his eyes, allowing the tears to roll down his cheeks. It just doesn’t feel fair. They say lightning never strikes the same place twice, but that has proven false for Luke. Minneapolis (and St. Paul) have sucked two times now, and he isn’t sure how he is going to recover from it. It is all his fault, after all. Him and his stupid voice giving out. He clears his throat a few times and sometimes dislodges, clearing the way for him to speak normally again. Great. Perfect timing, twenty minutes _after_ he needed it.

“Luke?”

Michael’s voice interrupts Luke’s self-loathing, and he sees his friend poke his head into the bus. “We’re going to the hotel now, okay?”

Luke nods, grateful that Michael isn’t saying anything about the show. He stands up and grabs his phone, walking into the bathroom and locking the door. He hears Ashton and Michael climb into the bus and settle themselves onto the couch, talking in hushed voices. As the bus begins to move, he knows Calum must be somewhere, too, but he can’t even begin to imagine his best friend without feeling brand new waves of guilt. All he wants is to go home, back to Sydney, back to his family and his dog, where he can hide until the humiliation fades.

It doesn’t take long for the bus to dock in a parking lot, somewhere in St. Paul. There are no windows in the bathroom, so Luke really doesn’t have a clue where they are for sure, but he doesn’t care. Everyone starts to file out of the bus, and Luke can hear rummaging underneath the bus for their luggage, before more than likely heading into the hotel. He stays in the bathroom until all the noise has ceased, then carefully opens the door and makes his way out. He wants to slip into the hotel unseen and crawl into bed and sleep away the next few months of his life until he is home. He knows, deep down, that he is being melodramatic, but in the moment, he can’t find the energy to care.

“Luke.”

He nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of his name, whipping around and finding Calum sitting on the couch, looking up at him with wide, sad eyes.

“Not now, Calum,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I just want to go to bed.”

“Luke, come on.” Calum stands, walking over to meet Luke in the middle of the room. He extends a hand and places it on his shoulder, but Luke throws it off of him, facing Calum completely now.

“I mean it,” he hisses, his voice feeling almost foreign in his mouth. It’s still thick and worn, all kinds of wrong and not at all his. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m not going to do that,” Calum insists, obviously not phased by Luke’s words. “I want to make sure you’re okay-”

“You think I’m okay?” Luke’s voice is high and hysterical now, and he lets out a very shrill laugh. “I just completely ruined the show, Calum. I fucked us up and Twitter is probably exploding about how much we suck- about how much _I_ suck. I’m not fucking okay!” He picks up a book from the side table, some sort of video game manual, and throws it onto the floor. It’s a lot heavier than he expects it to be, for it ends up making the bus shake a bit, startling Calum. He backs up from Luke, but doesn’t take his eyes off of him. This, in turn, only makes Luke feel more infuriated and anxious.

“Leave me alone,” he spits, shoving past Calum and storming off of the bus. He grabs his bag, one of the only ones left in the cargo hold, before making a sprint into the hotel. He looks at his phone, noticing a missed text from Ashton: _You’re in room 418 with Cal, come to 416 for your key._

“Fuck,” he growls, his hands shaking. Of course, he knew that he would be rooming with Calum, like he always does, but tonight he wants nothing more than to be alone. He gets onto the elevator and goes to the fourth floor, walking down the hallway to Michael and Ashton’s room. He knocks twice, and Michael opens the door, holding out Luke’s key card with a small smile. Luke nods once and takes the card, not saying another word to Michael, before crossing the hallway and opening the door to his own room. He throws his bag against the bed and leans against the wall, breathing heavily and feeling like his heart is going to pound straight out of his chest.

Not even five minutes later, the door opens and Calum walks in. He sets his bag down next to Luke’s, before standing next to Luke, still trying to catch his gaze.

“Luke-”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Luke groans, sinking into the bed with his head in his hands. “How did I think I was cut out for this?” His voice feels desperate in his throat, fighting for some sort of release. “I wanna go home.”

“Lukey.” Calum sits down next to him, still keeping a bit of space between them, probably worried Luke is going to go off on him again, like he had in the bus. “What the hell are you going on about?”

“This! Everything!” He pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling like he is about to cry. “I wanna go home. I wanna be done.”

“We all have off days, off shows,” Calum says, still keeping calm despite Luke’s outburst. “It’s part of the job.” Luke can feel his temper rising even further, especially since Calum is starting to sound like Jack or Benji or his mother. _It’s all just part of the job, there will be good days and bad days, but you can’t give up._

“But it’s _always_ me. It’s never Ashton or Michael or you. I’m the one who fucks us up. God!” He wipes at his eyes, feeling even more pissed that he is starting to cry on top of everything else that happened tonight.

“You know that’s not true.”

“Name a time you fucked up this badly, Cal. Do it.” When Calum doesn’t immediately respond, Luke stands up and crosses to the other side of the hotel room, hitting his head on the wall.

“But this isn’t about me,” Calum presses, following Luke and wrapping his arms around his back, hugging him from behind. “I don’t matter right now, okay?”

“You always matter,” Luke mumbles, still feeling self-deprecating, but never able to hide how important Calum is to him. “You’ve got it all figured out.”

“What do you mean?”

Luke lets out a sigh, turning around so he can see Calum. “Ever since we were young. You were the one who had it together. You were the one who had friends and confidence and talent and…” His voice trails off. “You weren’t fat like me.”

“Oh, Luke. I thought we’ve been through this.” Calum sounds pained, and Luke looks at the ceiling, willing the tears to go away. He hadn’t exactly meant to project all of his insecurities onto Calum; it had just happened. But now they were out in the open, like some sort of virus, and he just had to deal with them.

“Usually it’s not a big deal,” Luke sniffs, still looking at the ceiling. “But how can I _not_ think about it when stuff like tonight happens?”

“I know,” Calum murmurs, squeezing Luke a little tighter. “But you know you’re talented, Lukey. You know you are. But you’re also human, and humans make mistakes. Humans fail sometimes, and that’s okay.”

“But you-”

“Not about me, remember?” Calum turns Luke around so they are face-to-face, foreheads pressed against each other. Luke looks anywhere but at Calum’s eyes, his face turning red.

“Just…” Calum takes Luke’s hand and leads him back to the bed, sitting down with him before reaching forward to cup Luke’s face, drawing him closer. “Just try to relax, okay?”

“I don’t know if I can,” Luke admits, still squirming a little bit under the pressure from Calum’s eyes. “Too anxious right now.”

“I’m gonna need you to try.” Calum puts on a soft smile before leaning forward and ghosting his lips over Luke’s. It’s familiar – they’ve done this a few times before – but at the same time, it feels unbelievably foreign and almost scary. There is so much unspoken feeling behind every single movement, and Luke isn’t sure if it’s just because of how awful the day has been, or if maybe there really is more. He doesn’t have much time to think before he is laying on his back, with Calum hovering over him. Their lips connect again, more intense than before, and Luke finds himself trying desperately to pull Calum even closer to him, to meld their bodies as one, to try to forget how humiliated and pathetic he feels.

“Luke,” Calum whispers. “That’s not what we’re doing.”

“Sex?” Luke asks, still trying to chase Calum’s lips. “Please, Cal.”

“We’ll get to it.” And now Calum is laughing and Luke is flushing an even deeper shade of crimson, the humiliation washing over him again.

“This isn’t like you,” Luke mumbles, taking a deep breath. “Can’t we just… I dunno, get off and move on?”

“I’m versatile,” Calum says, kissing the tip of Luke’s nose. “You don’t get to just wallow and think the worst of yourself. That’s not allowed.”

“Pretty sure I can do what I want,” Luke huffs, wrinkling his nose underneath Calum’s lips. “You’re not the boss of me.”

“Not right now, I’m not.” The way Calum raises his eyebrows makes all the blood in Luke’s brain shoot down his body and settle in his dick, perking it up immediately. Calum laughs again, echoing around the room almost like a delicate snow fall. “Maybe we’ll have to try that next time.”

“ _Calum,_ ” Luke groans, twisting under him, desperate for some sort of friction now. “Please.”

Calum seems to take pity on Luke, for he kisses him deeply again, their tongues tangling and teeth colliding almost painfully, but Luke doesn’t care. He welcomes the intensity, hopes it can calm the static in his mind from his own concert embarrassment.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Calum murmurs, even though Luke hasn’t said anything. He pulls his lips off to bite at Luke’s lower jaw, just how he likes it. “You’ve got to relax.” He places a warm, solid hand on Luke’s chest, and Luke can feel his own heartbeat bounce up into Calum’s hand, then back down into his ribcage. _Thump, thump, thump._

“I’m trying,” he admits, breathing heavily. “Help me.” His voice is small and quiet, giving away even more of his insecurities.

Calum doesn’t say anything, instead moving his hands down Luke’s body and tugging on the hem of his shirt. Luke sits up a little bit, allowing Calum to take off his shirt, exposing his bare chest. He shivers, whether because of the cold air or because of Calum’s gaze, Luke isn’t sure. Without a second thought, Calum takes his nipple between his fingers and rubs it, causing it to peak up, hard and sensitive. A small moan escapes Luke’s lips as Calum works on his nipple, and nearly jumps up when he attaches his lips to it.

“God, you’re gorgeous like this,” Calum murmurs, his hands acting like anchors on Luke’s hips. Luke focuses completely on Calum’s teeth scraping over his nipple, not at all thinking about the concert from just a few hours before. “Don’t know why you’re so self conscious sometimes, Lukey. You’re so fucking hot.”

“‘M not,” Luke groans, arching his back as Calum moves his hands underneath his waistband and gives his ass a squeeze. His body writhes under the attention he is getting, apparently not able to settle down, even with his attention on Calum. “Need more.”

“Patient,” Calum tells him, licking his nipple, which is red and puckered now. The cool feel of his tongue soothes Luke, but he still craves more.

“Wanna touch you,” Luke says, his voice cutting off with a gasp as Calum slips a finger against his hole. This isn’t anything they’ve ever done before, just a few hurried handjobs after particularly energetic shows, and one time Luke had sucked off Calum in the bathroom as they had travelled across the deep south from Louisiana to North Carolina the previous summer during the Where We Are tour.

“Shh, it’s not about me,” Calum repeats, moving his face from Luke’s chest back to kiss him again, his tongue swarming in his mouth, eliciting a long string of moans from Luke’s mouth. He is so hard at this point, it almost hurts, and he bucks his hips up, seeking some sort of contact. Instead, Calum pins his legs down with his own, tracing his tongue from Luke’s mouth back down his jaw and onto his neck. He bites down and Luke squirms even more, panting into the cool night air. Everything is so intense and everything feels so good, and Luke doesn’t ever want it to end. Although he does want to come eventually, otherwise he isn’t sure he will survive.

“Love your neck,” Calum breathes, taking a break from sucking on it to admire his work. “When you throw your head back while you’re playing on stage, you have no idea what it does to me.”

Luke shudders, thinking about the show, but focusing on when they had played ‘American Idiot.’ It had felt so _right _, and he knows he had thrown his head back while they were playing the bridge. He feels his body develop a hot flush, imagining Calum looking at him while his head is back.__

__“Fucking hot,” Calum repeats, moving his mouth back to Luke’s chest. “The way your body looks when you wear your tight shirts, fuck, Luke. It’s like you’re trying to kill me.” Calum’s fingers play with both of Luke’s nipples, his tongue tracing the fine hairs on his chest. Luke can still see his heart trying to burst from his rib cage, but the sensation is almost soothing at this point, the anxiety attempting to disappear from his body._ _

__Another memory crosses his mind, another one from the show that night. During ‘Pizza,’ inspired by Ashton’s boundless energy, he had jammed so hard his shirt had torn a bit, ripping from a weak point in the collar down to his mid chest. He hopes Calum had seen. He hopes Calum had thought about kissing his chest and touching his hips and making him come._ _

__As he lets himself get lost in remembering that moment, Calum undoes his jeans and starts to pull them down his legs. He slips them off of his hips and then throws them onto the floor, next to Luke’s previously discarded shirt. His cock juts out from his body, tenting his boxers and leaving a wet spot at the tip. He isn’t sure he’s ever been this turned on before, his entire body flushed, with a light sheen of sweat covering it._ _

__“Wish you could see yourself,” Calum tells him, nuzzling his face into his abs. For a moment, Luke freezes, old self-conscious feelings bubbling up into his stomach. He moves his hands from his sides and tries to place them on his stomach, tries to shield himself from Calum, but Calum pushes them away, fully exposing him. He kisses his bellybutton, his fingers tracing patterns into the skin of his stomach, before using his teeth to bring his boxers down from his waist to his hips. Luke’s cock slaps up against his stomach, hard and full, leaking a bit onto his skin._ _

__“Remember when we were doing ‘Out Of My Limit’ tonight, babe? When you jumped into the air, holy shit, you took my breath away. Your legs, your ass, your cock… So, so, good, Luke. Couldn’t believe it.”_ _

__He feels like he is going to come, and Calum hasn’t even touched his dick yet. He does remember jumping into the air during ‘Out Of My Limit.’ But he didn’t know that Calum had been seeing him naked in his mind, perhaps remembering their handjobs, their frantic snogging sessions, and the blowjob._ _

__“Calum,” he whispers, his voice shaking, but not like it had been earlier. Not like he had just been humiliated on stage, no, this time it’s because of so fucking turned on he is. “Please, Calum, I need you.”_ _

__“I’ve got you,” Calum murmurs, kissing his hip before taking his dick into his mouth. Luke can’t help but buck his hips up as soon as the contact is made, apologizing profusely as he settles himself back down. But all Calum does is laugh, the vibrations from his throat shooting into Luke’s dick and just heightening the sensation._ _

__“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Luke babbles as Calum continues to blow him, his thumbs pressing into his hips. He might leave a bruise, but Luke doesn’t care. The only thing he can focus on is the white hot pleasure boiling in his stomach, building with each passing moment._ _

__“Love your body, Luke. Love everything about you.” Calum pulls off of his dick and pumps it a few times with his hand. He adds pressure onto his foreskin as he draws it up over the head, causing his entire body to shudder. Calum grabs one of Luke’s hands and brings it to his crotch, where Luke can feel that Calum is unbelievably hard. “That’s all from you, babe. So hard for you.” Calum’s voice is so low, Luke has to strain to hear him, and the words flood him with warmth and even more desire than he had before. “Love you so much.”_ _

__“Calum,” Luke moans, still gripping onto Calum’s dick through his jeans. “Please, Calum, please fuck me.”_ _

__“You want me to do that?” Calum asks gently, kissing the sensitive skin behind Luke’s ear. “Never done that with you.”_ _

__“I don’t care, I just need you so badly.” Luke wouldn’t be surprised if he was crying a little bit, the pleasure so overwhelming and so unbelievable. “Please, Cal.”_ _

__“Okay, okay. Let me get some stuff.” Calum slides off of the bag and rummages through his bag, bringing up a condom and a little bottle of lube that Luke has never seen before. He doesn't think about Calum being with other people, instead trying to focus on them together, the way it feels to be with his best friend, the way it feels to have so much familiarity in such a new experience._ _

__“Ever fingered yourself?” Calum asks, sitting back up on the bed. Luke shakes his head, eyes wide with the idea of having Calum _inside_ of him. “Gonna take it slow, okay?”_ _

__“Yeah, okay.”_ _

__“Spread your legs for me, babe. I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here.”_ _

__Luke obeys, trying not to squirm away from the newfound vulnerability of exposing his entire body to Calum. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, hearing Calum removing his own clothes. By the time he opens his eyes, Calum is completely naked, his cock hard and beautiful, which makes Luke’s mouth water. Calum bends down to kiss Luke again, bringing the focus back into feeling as good as is possible, relaxing into each other and bringing each other out of their shells. Luke never thought he would be _comfortable_ being naked with someone else like this, but that’s exactly what he is. He’s comfortable._ _

__Calum opens the bottle of lube and squirts a liberal amount onto his fingers. He slips one back up against Luke’s hole, not pressing in, but spreading the slick around him instead. He reaches forward and takes Luke back into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and running his tongue around the head of Luke’s dick. He moans, sinking even further into the bed, the pleasure almost completely tipping him over the edge. As Calum uses his tongue to move the foreskin up and down, one of his fingers goes into Luke, just up to the first knuckle. But Luke barely feels it, focused instead on Calum’s tongue on his dick. Before he knows it, Calum has his entire finger in him and it feels good, so long as he keeps working on his dick._ _

__“Doing okay?” Calum asks, pulling off of Luke’s dick to look him in the eye. “Feel okay?”_ _

__“Feels -- nnngh -- good,” Luke pants as Calum fits another finger into him, almost painfully slowly. “Feels full.”_ _

__“Can’t believe how hot you are like this, driving me so crazy.” Calum kisses the soft skin of his inner thigh, before licking a stripe across his balls. “Taste so good, too.”_ _

__“Fuck,” Luke groans, precome blurting out of his dick and wetting his stomach even more. Calum moves his fingers inside of him, touching every inch of him, before he finds a spot -- something -- which causes Luke to let out the most guttural moan he has ever made._ _

__“There we go, how’s that?”_ _

__“‘S weird,” Luke breathes, still squirming. “Not like anything I’ve ever felt.”_ _

__“Good.” Calum seals Luke’s lips up again with a kiss, adding more pressure onto his prostate. A string of whimpers escape from Luke’s mouth, but Calum captures them into his own, swallowing them down effortlessly. “God, I need to fuck you.”_ _

__“Do it,” Luke sighs, closing his eyes as Calum presses against his prostate with even more force. “Need you in me.”_ _

__Without another word, Calum grabs at the previously abandoned condom and tears it open, rolling it onto his cock. He adds more lube onto it, giving it a few tugs before lining the tip up with Luke’s hole. “Gonna go slow,” Calum murmurs, using one hand to prop himself up, and the other to touch Luke’s cock. “Kiss me, Luke.”_ _

__And Luke does. He kisses Calum like he’s never kissed anyone before, with as much passion as he possibly can. Calum presses his dick into Luke as their tongues begin to dance, and Luke is sure his eyes are going to pop out of his face with how intense it is. It’s painful and it’s foreign and it’s difficult, but it’s also the most intimate thing he’s ever felt. He can feel his dick softening just a bit as Calum works more of himself into him, before stalling, only about halfway in._ _

__“Need a little bit,” Luke says, grabbing at Calum’s arm. “It’s so much.”_ _

__“That’s okay, take your time, babe,” Calum reassures him, kissing his forehead as he waits. He pumps Luke’s dick in his hand, bringing it back to full hardness, before Luke nods. There is much less resistance now, and it’s almost as though Calum just slides the rest of the way in, aided by the copious amounts of lube that he had spread onto himself before beginning._ _

__“Okay?” Calum asks, taking a deep breath and looking Luke in the eye. And Luke allows it this time, staring deeply into Calum’s eyes, still overwhelmed with comfort and love and the intense fullness that he has gained by having Calum inside of him._ _

__“Yeah, I’m good.”_ _

__“Gonna make you feel amazing, Luke. Hold onto me.”_ _

__Luke does, wrapping his arms around Calum’s back and pulling him as close as he can to his chest without breaking his rhythm. Calum fucks back and forth into Luke, gently at first, before picking up his pace and moving his hips in a way that has his dick rubbing up against Luke’s prostate._ _

__“Please,” he begs, biting onto Calum’s shoulder. “Right there.”_ _

__“I’ve got you, don’t worry,” Calum tells him again as he continues to fuck him. The pressure on his prostate is overwhelming and, combined with Calum’s hand on his cock, he can feel his orgasm brewing deep in the pit of his stomach._ _

__“I’m so fucking close,” Luke whines, his mouth round and open, his neck thrown back into the pillow like it had been on stage that night. “Please, Cal, let me come.”_ _

__“Come for me, babe,” Calum whispers into his ear, sucking on his earlobe. “Gonna look so gorgeous when you come.”_ _

__And that is enough to completely push Luke over the edge. With just a few more strokes of his cock, he is coming over Calum’s fist, his come hot and sticky on his stomach. His orgasm seems to go on forever, each pulse stronger than the last, until it finally settles down and brings him back down to earth. Calum picks up the pace and fucks into Luke with so much intensity that it doesn’t take him much longer to come, too, filling up the condom before collapsing onto Luke’s chest. For a few moments, neither of them speak, the only sound in the air being their labored breaths. Finally, Calum peels himself off of Luke and takes off the condom, tying it off and tossing it into the garbage._ _

__“Where are you going?” Luke asks, panicked, as Calum stands up and walks toward the door._ _

__“Bathroom, Lukey. I’ll be right back.” He smiles, his eyes crinkling in the corners, and Luke nods, a little ashamed that he had been so quick to assume that Calum was leaving him now. Just the opposite, Calum returns, holding a warm washcloth in his hand that he uses to clean off Luke’s stomach before rubbing it over his hole. The warm water soothes Luke, and he can feel his eyes start to get heavy._ _

__“Sleep here,” he mumbles, pulling Calum back into the bed next to him. Calum nods, snuggling up against Luke, kissing him lightly on the lips. They lay in silence for a bit, Calum’s hands running through Luke’s hair and down his back, never once leaving his body. The constant presence of his best friend keeps Luke from falling into his anxiety, even though the memory of the stage is back in his mind._ _

__“Doesn’t matter that you had an off show,” Calum finally says, tucking a little wisp of hair behind Luke’s ear. “The fans still love you. The band still loves you. I still love you.”_ _

__“I know you do,” Luke says with a yawn. “It’s just hard sometimes.”_ _

__“I know it is. It’s hard for all of us, babe. You just need to trust yourself.”_ _

__“Can I trust you?”_ _

__Calum smiles, kissing Luke deeply. If he hadn’t just had the most mind-blowing orgasm of his life, he might’ve gotten hard all over again from the intensity of Calum’s kiss._ _

__“I _need_ you to trust me, Luke. I can’t do any of this,” He kisses Luke again, peppering kisses against his jaw and cheeks and lips, “Without you.”_ _

__He doesn’t have anything else to say at this point. Instead, he cuddles even closer to Calum, feeling Calum’s heart beating from his chest and into his own. Eventually, they will talk about what they may or may not be. Eventually, Luke will be comfortable with his own mistakes and his own shortcomings. He’ll need to talk to Michael and Ashton about the show. But for now, the only thing he wants to think about is the way Calum’s fingers feel against his, the steady metronome of his heart, and how lucky he is to have a best friend like him._ _

**Author's Note:**

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